I really don’t know how this will all end but I just know I’ll scribble down…I’ll let the mind ponder and wonder while the fingers type on…write on until there’s an alleviation of the mind’s burden.
I was probably too young to wonder why he did..I wondered if he was some sort of war junkey….I sat,watched and listened to him tell his thrilling and sad stories of war, his losses…
“Whenever I get back, I’m always asked, why do you do this?”
“I just keep mute cause they don’t understand..they’ll most likely never do”…I still don’t understand so well but maybe I now know how he felt…probably the fulfillment from his actions even though I know not how.
Those were his last quotes of the tale and the last I ever got.
A lot of questions now,I just ask,allowing the wind get them to anyone’s hearing… but these rhetorical questions just ricochet back at me…most likely due to the fact that he’s now more than six feet in the ground…the end of his life loop….
I sometimes just watched from the window and looked at the moon..”i walk and see it moving with the clouds”..I just point and say “I want to go there someday”…thought I was going to end up being some sort of astronaut..poor little boy..he soon drifted as humans are usually unstable and bound to change even though the time rate of change could be slow..
Or maybe fear of no gravitational pull was the cause…but sometimes I still look up and just smile as I watch the moon with my 2D duplicate just flattened out on the ground…people are up there casting their fears behind them forever or some just locking their’s up somewhere…but I know while some get overwhelmed by fear and just think it’s a hell of a risky job they’re into…other’s just find it fulfilling and live in it with pleasure.
Time just keeps ticking on and years just fade away as they become hard of hearing and I’m just growing older getting to understand things better… christmas was two day ago and I wasn’t so thrilled as I used to be in the previous gone years..it seems to be a depreciation record as the years tick the register and slip away.
I was earlier confused about what I really wanted…where I really wanted to go…what I was going to be doing with the rest of my life…I even got scared..
But no more…my hands seem to have gotten a firm grip on all now and everything’s unveiling and I know what I really want..my confusion gone and I know I’m walking into the fulfilling life I’ve always pictured…and my fear totally gone, maybe I might I’ve considered caging my fears but there’s no room left in my mind.
And now..the answers to all those questions keep echoing and I now understand his tale..I know why he did…I know why they’re up there..I know why I drifted…probably cause of the struggle to get fulfillment and be happy with what we intend diving into and doing with the HUGE chunk of our lives… 🙂